Diary of a stay at home dad - week 2

Here it is again, another of my hubby's wonderful writing. Before I paste it I just wanted to remind you all that I did give him permission to say whatever he felt, so with that said there are a few, "bad" words as Mason would say. But hey, if your going to write about it, it might as well be "real".

Thanks again to my hubby, for doing this!


So here we are again as promised, like a mom to be… ready for her epidoral. I stand to deliver as a stay at home Dad…
MON AUGUST 18th-
I awoke to the rush of disappointment. Mallory and Mason were at it. Mallory is nature’s alarm clock for sure. There is nothing more exciting then awakening at 7:45 in the morning to her angry growling. She screams like any other kid when she wants her way. But her growls are a whole other matter. It cuts through you like glass. I went out to the living room and saw toys and other things scattered across the living room rug. My father –in-law has turned the kitchen into the cooking with Bobby Flay show. I realize I have my day cut out for me. On top of everything else I feel sick to my stomach from drinking the worst beer in the world the night prior. My means of escape is reading a good book, or writing in my current novel. Hopefully, this new book I’m writing will sell enough to allow me my aspirations of buying a thicker wall so I can’t hear Mallory and Mason antagonizing each other every morning. It’s like clockwork. I have to yell, "STOP IT!" every five minutes. It’s only when I get up and stomp like a TIN SOLDIER, does anyone listen.
Tuesday August 19th
My wife is off. Yay! Let her deal with the magic marker monster and the questions about pokemon. As it turns out, the day was really swell, although I can’t escape the feeling of worthlessness. What does stay at home parents have to show for their work really? Work that never goes away. It’s like a continuing dream. You clean, sweep, and do everything in your power to make things right. And the end result is just more whining, crying, and spilling of coffee grounds from shaky hands. Johnna gave me a good break though. She got the kids out of here and went to the park. I worked on my novel some more and burned my hand with a cigarette.
Wednesday August 20th
Probably the worst day since we’ve moved into our new place. I awoke rather peacefully which should’ve been a sign. The calm before the storm. However, I saw the mess my children had made in the house. The rug was especially devastating. Mallory had managed to take a box of nerd candies and for whatever reason turn herself into a human helicopter and throw them around the room. I’ve been trying on different colors of straight jackets ever since. The vacuum cleaner doesn’t work. So I cleaned all day. I sent out e-mails to my cohorts and cleaned some more. My wife and I had a bit of a fight. She said the house looked bad. I got pissed. More pissed than usual. I think you women have it worse because nobody appreciates what you do. I felt that way today. I cleaned and did the best I could all day only to be told " I’m worthless." I know that’s not what was said, but that’s what you hear in-between the words. I spent the remaining evening arguing with my wife while her top lip pointed at the floor and her bottom one curled down like a leaf burning at its edges. Mallory looked the same way. She even sleeps that way.
Thursday August 20th,
Mason awoke me this time. His loud mouth and laughter ( he’s just a kid, he can’t help it. I want to sew his lips shut.) was laughing at his pop-pop. I awoke earlier then usual, drank some coffee and chased ants. I emptied trash, swept the floors twice and thought about yesterday’s fight. It left an impression on me. I went over everything twice. Which may have been the intention of mentioning it in the first place, to get me to do the best, ( or at least better) then again, perhaps I’m overintellectualizing. Mason asked me ( like he asks me everyday) if I like Pokemon. I love Pokemon. In fact, if I met Pokemon, I’d murder him with an icepick. And I’d dance in his blood while screaming peekachu!
Then Mason says the most wonderful thing.
" Daddy, you know I love you right?"
"Right."
" If you die…may I have your Joker doll?"
" Yes Mason." I laugh.
Today was just like the others. As I write this, my wife is going crazy with Mallory and Mason teasing each other with food and toys. As a matter of fact, Johnna has lost her mind in many ways. I just noticed she’s been standing behind me while I’m writing this. The following is the conversation that commenced.
" Can I write this in peace?" I asked her.
" No you fucking can’t," she said.
See you next Friday!
Eric-