To my husband ...Another chapter

I've been neglecting my blog. Not intentionally, but as some of you know , we've had some stuff going on. Nothing of course , that we can't get through. Life is about challenges and getting through them, and that's exactly what we've been doing, and going through them only makes us stronger as individual's and together.

None of us are perfect, but are we suppose to be? We live our lives always searching for something better, but we sometimes forget to look at what is right in front of use and to relize that what we have is exactly what we need. That is what I did. For a long time I kept picking out what was wrong with Eric. I think I was looking for a reason to leave, or for him to leave me. I was certain that this wasn't the life I was suppose to lead. I wanted something better. It took Eric himself to make me see that this is the life I was suppose to have, that he is the best for me. We've been through so many chapters together and I was being so selfish that I sit and wonder now, I don't deserve him, maybe he deserves better.

Marriage isn't about finding the perfect love, it's about finding the best inside one of another. It's about going through the rain and sunshine together, crying together, holding one another when the other is sad, and listening to each other even if you have no intrest in exactly what they are talking about. It's about being there for each other, and loving one another , even when you are mad at one another.

When Eric and I got married the preacher asked us what we loved one another and you could write a book on all the things he said he loved about me. When the preacher got to me I froze. I could not verbalize it. I left there feeling so empty because I could not answer. It's something to this day that bugs to this day. I often wonder if he thinks about that . I know what i wanted to say, i wanted to say that i love Eric because he completes me. When I feel like I'm failing he' there to prove me otherwise. He knows me inside out and can tell me what i'm thinking without saying a word. Not only is he a great man, he's a great father, friend, son, husband and author. He's everything I'm not. When he's not happy I can't not rest until I can fix it. I love Eric because he is Eric and nothing more or less. He makes me who I am every day, and to him I am thankful.

Today is Eric's last day of being a stay at home dad. I am quiting my job and will be staying home. He will be working now. He has done a fantastic job staying home. He has cooked, changed diapers, made beds, scrubbed floors and done all the things that I felt should have been my job. I love him even more for it.

This morning I was greeted to breakfast in bed. Can you say, awww? And while i lay there staring at my plate of food I wondered what i did to deserve this.

I can't wait to take on more chapters of my life, with him right beside me the whole time.

THIS IS NOT MY LIFE

THIS IS NOT MY LIFE
An apology to all…
Let me start by saying that we all have darkness, we share it. Lately I’ve breathed it. I’ve recently downloaded Metallica’s new album Death Magnetic, and the first song entitled this was just your life leaves me with a rhetorical look on life. I think people take their lives forgranted. And they miss out on many great things. Waking up with my kids and being there for them isn’t routine. It’s magical. Being there day to day for my wife isn’t supposed to be repetitive. It’s supposed to be the light for all that darkness.

I recently snooped on my wife and found out that she’s done nothing wrong. It was I all along. You see, after awhile-married couples, or even unmarried couples that have been together for awhile-let time be their factor. When you grow comfortable with one another is often grand, but remember I think it’s necessary to always be alert and ready to customize your feelings. You see, I’ve learned in the past few days that if there is something wrong with your loved one concerning feelings, hardships or anything at all, it is best to get these things off your chest. After all, love costs heartbeats. They’re not free. Every beat is for something worthy. Make sure your heart doesn’t beat alone. It can be a lonely place.

I realized that as an author, I’ve not succeeded in life. A lot of people seem to like my work, others hate it. That’s no longer important to me. I have one more novel coming out in the future, and it’s my last. But I’m not writing anymore. This is something I’ve already completed. My wife made it clear to me not by her telling me, but by me reflecting on the past that I was to blame. All I ever cared about was books, signings, and other publishing atrocities. Sure I loved my wife, I’d do anything for her then, but I didn’t feel my wife. I didn’t feel her needs. I didn’t listen to her. When she just wanted to talk about her day, mine seemed more important. When she just wanted to watch television together, I was on the computer writing make believing romance, when I could’ve had the real thing.

What I’m trying to say is that love is not something you should take forgranted ever. I’ve learned that books and hobbies and striving to be wealthy and famous is not important. And what’s more important is that I already wrote a best seller. It’s the vowels I wrote for Johnna on our wedding day. Somewhere I lost sight of the real Eric Enck. The one who just wanted to have fun and be a family man. The working class (often psychotic) guy who can’t wait to get off work to be with his family.

I have that now.

I’ve given up writing, books and bullshit for what’s important to me and to Johnna, and that thing is us. And my advice is that the greatest commitment to love, is sacrifice. I think every one of us at one point or another has a cross to climb onto, and marks in our wrists.
Writing books used to be just my life.
But my life is so much more now. Books and business used to take the place of those heartbeats. But now …I can’t wait to see her every night and morning. I want to hold her so close to me. I want my wife and kids to be just my life.
I was so wrong…
But now I’m better.

I apologize to everyone who has had to put up with my troubles, and me and my immaturity. The selfish monster inside of me has died, and something else has come to birth.

As for being a dad, yesterday I went over to a friend’s house to get a bed for my daughter. A temporary fix. It’s a really nice futon. Not so nice when you bring it home in the pouring rain.
I also realized how much I enjoy smoking cigarettes, especially when Mason drives me crazy. It’s kinda nice.

Not so nice when you have to pick up over 300 butts off the ground…
Since writing has more or less consumed me over the years and now that I have my family back, I’m going to work at it everyday and do the right thing. Not because I want to, but because this is my life.
And I love everyone in it.

And I would die without Johnna. Every heartbeat I can hear now. And she's the one who makes it beat...

Eric Enck-

It's all about the kids

I had the worst week of my life. One of the best weeks with my kids. I've come to the realization that no one understands me. This isn't a pity party or a plea for help. People who know me know I like to write. If you choose to be that bored to read this, thank you...

My children are the best things to ever happen to me. I realized that this week when I made errors in my ways in sneaking in the dark, and looking for my wife's cellphone. As a married man, I sometimes get the feeling that she's cheating on me. It overcomes me often. The reason is I feel worthless at home. I help hundreds of people with their work in literature. I help my kids try to see the way life should be. Even though I'm probably wrong.

I've been fighting with my wife a lot lately. I'm jealous of her all "Male" friends. Sometimes she secretly texts them ( or so I think) and although I believe it is healthy to have friends in a marriage, I also deem it healthy for a married couple to have primarily those same friends. I certainly don't think she would like it if I had "female" friends. And using any deliberations as an excuse is not so.

Moreover it's about my children.

I know my wife has fallen out of love with me. I know it because she partially seeks a new life with a new man, and I know it's because the taste for a life free of children sometimes surmises all of our taste buds. I know she says yes when she really means no. And she does it all for her kids. I know she would leave me in a heartbeat and never look back. I know all this...because I left her down.

There is no ways to fix a broken heart. It's either my children or suicide. Without my kids I'm nothing. if I did have a friend of the "female" persuasion and my wife wanted me to stop I would immediately, yet, the men keep getting stacked on the totem pole of egotistical raz. I can only hope whomever she finds in her new life supersedes anything I have to offer, which...evidently is nothing...

I spent the last few days being mad at her, when I really should've been mad at myself. I could've prevented it. Part of me thinks this is just a phase. part of me believes she will leave me very soon, or in fact would've already if it wouldn't be for the children.

Some of you know the truth.

I don't realize that I screw up sometimes, or that I really fail when I think I'm succeeding. No one cares about me anymore. And I don't blame them one bit. My mother is fake, just to get her problems fixed. I'm fake towards my mother to fix those problems. I am very vulnerable because I've gone from being a hard working man of society to a two bit hack writer who stays awake at night hoping that my wife won't leave me for one of the "male" friends she has begotten.

On the other hand, I pray that she at least lets me stay here so I can watch my children grow. I don't know where I went wrong. But I've seen some pretty terrible things lately, and I am tired of it all.

So this...my fellow readers will probably be my last entry. I feel uncomfortable talking about what hides inside me. My biggest concern is a child without its real father. I went through that when I was young.

And as the old saying goes...If you love something so much...let it go. Maybe it comes back to you.

I'm going to a Irish Pub tonight with my wife. I have some drinking to do. After that, the world ends. I want to put this out in the open so everyone knows the downright blue-collar truth. I would do anything for my family. ANYTHING. And if I have to leave my home to make them feel right again, I'll do that as well. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. What matters is those children.

I guess my fortune was right from last week.

"everything ends..."

I've relized...

That people are going to judge you no matter what

That if you tell someone yes once, they are going to keep expecting it from you

That magic erasers don't really get marker off the wall

no matter how much you clean it's never "spotless"

Grocery's cost way to much

If I had anymore kids I'd have to be put away


Excdrine migrane works great

it's just way to hard to keep my car clean

i hate my job and want/need a new one

I'm so glad school is starting back for Mason

I need a nap

Friday Five...

Five things I did today...

1. Went grocery shopping and spent way to much money

2. Had lunch at a chinese buffett

3. Cleaned my disgusting bathroom

4. Put chicken in the crockpot

5. Took something for this headache I have

Diary of a stay at home dad part 3

So here we are, another week of absolute fun!
Monday August 25th.
This day was pretty uneventful. Except we did adopt Katie. ( Not really) A 10-year old space cadet who runs on Duracell batteries. Her questions are not without praise.
" Are you an author?"
" Yes."
" What kind of books do you write?"
" Ones you can read."
She is a good kid. Annoying.
Tuesday August 26th.
I always make sure my wife can sleep in, especially if she works late the night before. I rely on Mallory of course. If Mallory were paid for performance she would be given a weekly raise. She managed to replace my pillow with her body. I awoke with her giggling. I made coffee, shut the bedroom door so Johnna could sleep. Did my usual routine of dishes and finding something edible for breakfast. Last week I went to pour milk in my coffee but the milk fell in. Mason asked me something different for a change. He asked me if I liked Pokemon. The weird feeling of discourse followed by Déjà vu is filling my barren subconscious with insanity.
The new thing is Bakugon. I can’t wait to meet the owner of the Toy Company and shake his hand. And then I’ll take him out to dinner where I will appropriately strangle him with a piano wire. I spent the day yelling "STOP IT"! to both my kids. Mason is very passive. Mallory isn’t. Even though she’s 2 years old, she bullies Mason. When I tell her to stop, she does. It lasts a whole five minutes. I never had these problems with Mason. Mason’s a good kid trapped in a world that I fear for him. Mallory is Satan trapped in a cute kid’s body. I do love them both!
Wednesday August 27th
You art fans may think the legendary Bob Ross has died. While doing some walking around my own home, I found out Bob Ross is alive! I guess it’s hard to remember how to paint though. I guess when you’re undead, your skills aren’t what they used to be. Five of our walls are illustrated with red magic marker squibbles. I also found out Bob Ross came back as a little cute girl smiling and holding a magic marker in her hand. Cleaning marker off the walls is just about as much fun as a proctologist exam on a nude beach…
Thursday August 28th
Why do kids ( after you’ve told them a million times that you don’t like Pokemon not only ignore it, ) they actually ask you what color you like better? I guess I’d have to say red would be the color I pick. Because it’s the only color I’ve been seeing lately. In the meantime, Johnna has me rolling with laughter when I say, calmly
" Mason, go play. I don’t like pokemon."
" It’s not Pokemon…it’s Bakugon …fucker!" My wife says with laughter.
Oh Johnna.
I stayed home with the kids. Magic eraser, Mr. Fucking clean sucks according to my wife.
" I thought it was supposed to get the stuff off the walls?" she says.
" Cleans up all the possibilities…my ass," she says.
She went out with a bunch of friends and saw a hip hop concert with some famous hip hopsters while I stayed home with an all star performance of Mallory and Mason’s mess up the living room show! Tickets are on sale all day. And you’ll get a history lesson FOR FREE on Pokemon!. While I respect all forms of music. Hip Hop, Rap, and Country are not on my list of listening pleasure. Still, anything is better than Mallory screaming, whining, and Mason living in a cartoon.
While eating at a Chinese restaurant today I happened upon several dishes of delicacies. Johnna and I engaged in a conversation about adult tidings. ( Sex) mostly. It was then when it was made clear how simple all life can be, if you think like your children. While at the climax of our conversation, Johnna and I were having a friendly debate. That was, until Mason chimed in with a relative question.
" Hey dad, would…would it hurt if you ripped all the feathers out of a peacock?"
We laughed of course. I envy my kids because life at the age of adolescence is so innocent. You are a sponge. And you absorb everything. We got fortune cookies at the end of our meal. Everyone opened theirs, even Mallory, who for once, pulled the fortune out of the cookie before grinding it up in her mouth.
So I’ll end this week’s diary on what my fortune said. It was short, weird, and undeniably creepy.
" Everything ends

20 things about me

1. I had my first child at 20

2. I've had 4 surgery's

3. I have a tatoo on my lower back of a j

4. I have always been overweight

5. I smoke

6. I've been trying to quit for a few months now

7. that i started back this past nov and it was the dumbest thing I've ever done

8. I love to play sing star with Mason on ps2

9. My hubby does more cleaning then i do

10. I haven't worn a dress in probably a year

11. My fav months are Oct - Dec

12. Eric and I weren't married when we had Mason

13. We got married 4 years later

14. I have been to church in a few months

15. I have family in Missouri that i haven't seen since my grandmother passed away almost 3 years ago

16. I hear strange noises outside my window right now and it's creeping me out

17. I can't wait for Monday because my fav show comes back!

18. I am dreading fall even though i love it because I don't want to rake leaves

19. Iam going to cry when I turn 30

20 . I sleep on the left side of the bed (if you are looking at it)

Two For Tuesday

Two things I need to do this week......

* Clean out my closet...serisouly it needs to be cleaned out :)

*Clean up my yard..There are a millon cig butts in my back yard lol Eric and i need to get out there and work together.

If I get my camera back from my manager i will take before and after pics!

Almost...

I sometimes get a little jealous of my kidless friends who are single and can do what they want. I mean, i'm sure we all get a little jealous now and then. So friday night, with my hubby's permission I went to my manager's house for a little party. I walked into their spotless , kidless house and looked around. Booze covered the counter. I walked into the living room where not one speck of dust lived. No toys covered the floor. It was quiet. So we drank, acted silly, played some drinking games , got way to drunk and really had a great time. At 1 am a friend drove me home. I was not in the shape to be driving at all. It was the drunkest I have ever been in my life.

They have parties like that a lot and get together where a bunch of them will play games and have fun. On the ride home I thought about how nice it must be to be able to live that way and do what you want, when you want. Then I got home.

My wonderful hubby greeted me at the door and let me, but not before laughing at me. I crawled into bed, with the room spining and fell asleep. I awoke at 8am to the voices of my kids. I crawled out of bed and as soon as I opened my doorI was greeted by my 2 year old. She pracitically leaped into my arms and said "mommy!". My son followed and started in telling me stories about his morning so far and what he did the night before. I looked around , and the living room was covered with toys. Pokemon cards were laid out on the floor along with baby dolls and play purses. I smiled. I though, perhaps it isn't me who should be jealous of them, but them who should be jealous of me. I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful kids. And so what if my home isn't always spotless, and so what that I can't stay up half the night doing what I want. I wouldnt change this for the world.

I was almost jealous of my friends...almost

Friday Five

Five Pictures from this week!!




This picture was after the park and she fell asleep eating ice cream. She went in the tub as she as she was awake!!

Diary of a stay at home dad - week 2

Here it is again, another of my hubby's wonderful writing. Before I paste it I just wanted to remind you all that I did give him permission to say whatever he felt, so with that said there are a few, "bad" words as Mason would say. But hey, if your going to write about it, it might as well be "real".

Thanks again to my hubby, for doing this!


So here we are again as promised, like a mom to be… ready for her epidoral. I stand to deliver as a stay at home Dad…
MON AUGUST 18th-
I awoke to the rush of disappointment. Mallory and Mason were at it. Mallory is nature’s alarm clock for sure. There is nothing more exciting then awakening at 7:45 in the morning to her angry growling. She screams like any other kid when she wants her way. But her growls are a whole other matter. It cuts through you like glass. I went out to the living room and saw toys and other things scattered across the living room rug. My father –in-law has turned the kitchen into the cooking with Bobby Flay show. I realize I have my day cut out for me. On top of everything else I feel sick to my stomach from drinking the worst beer in the world the night prior. My means of escape is reading a good book, or writing in my current novel. Hopefully, this new book I’m writing will sell enough to allow me my aspirations of buying a thicker wall so I can’t hear Mallory and Mason antagonizing each other every morning. It’s like clockwork. I have to yell, "STOP IT!" every five minutes. It’s only when I get up and stomp like a TIN SOLDIER, does anyone listen.
Tuesday August 19th
My wife is off. Yay! Let her deal with the magic marker monster and the questions about pokemon. As it turns out, the day was really swell, although I can’t escape the feeling of worthlessness. What does stay at home parents have to show for their work really? Work that never goes away. It’s like a continuing dream. You clean, sweep, and do everything in your power to make things right. And the end result is just more whining, crying, and spilling of coffee grounds from shaky hands. Johnna gave me a good break though. She got the kids out of here and went to the park. I worked on my novel some more and burned my hand with a cigarette.
Wednesday August 20th
Probably the worst day since we’ve moved into our new place. I awoke rather peacefully which should’ve been a sign. The calm before the storm. However, I saw the mess my children had made in the house. The rug was especially devastating. Mallory had managed to take a box of nerd candies and for whatever reason turn herself into a human helicopter and throw them around the room. I’ve been trying on different colors of straight jackets ever since. The vacuum cleaner doesn’t work. So I cleaned all day. I sent out e-mails to my cohorts and cleaned some more. My wife and I had a bit of a fight. She said the house looked bad. I got pissed. More pissed than usual. I think you women have it worse because nobody appreciates what you do. I felt that way today. I cleaned and did the best I could all day only to be told " I’m worthless." I know that’s not what was said, but that’s what you hear in-between the words. I spent the remaining evening arguing with my wife while her top lip pointed at the floor and her bottom one curled down like a leaf burning at its edges. Mallory looked the same way. She even sleeps that way.
Thursday August 20th,
Mason awoke me this time. His loud mouth and laughter ( he’s just a kid, he can’t help it. I want to sew his lips shut.) was laughing at his pop-pop. I awoke earlier then usual, drank some coffee and chased ants. I emptied trash, swept the floors twice and thought about yesterday’s fight. It left an impression on me. I went over everything twice. Which may have been the intention of mentioning it in the first place, to get me to do the best, ( or at least better) then again, perhaps I’m overintellectualizing. Mason asked me ( like he asks me everyday) if I like Pokemon. I love Pokemon. In fact, if I met Pokemon, I’d murder him with an icepick. And I’d dance in his blood while screaming peekachu!
Then Mason says the most wonderful thing.
" Daddy, you know I love you right?"
"Right."
" If you die…may I have your Joker doll?"
" Yes Mason." I laugh.
Today was just like the others. As I write this, my wife is going crazy with Mallory and Mason teasing each other with food and toys. As a matter of fact, Johnna has lost her mind in many ways. I just noticed she’s been standing behind me while I’m writing this. The following is the conversation that commenced.
" Can I write this in peace?" I asked her.
" No you fucking can’t," she said.
See you next Friday!
Eric-

Wordless Wednsday

The Memory Keeper's Daughter..

No this is not a book review, although I did read the book about a year or so ago and it was awsome. It made me mad, sad and happy all at the same time. I couldn't put the book down and read it in just two days, which for me, is a big thing because I never read that fast unless i love a book.

Ok, so on to the point of this blog. I was flipping through the free movies on our on demand and saw that it was a lifetime movie too!! I was so excited. I was jumping up and down and sent the kids off to their room to watch tv and play and told them to stay (which for the most part they did..yay!) I asked Eric to watch it with me because I was telling him how great the book was,so he peeled himself away from the computer (which I know was hard to do) and sat with me.

Let me tell you, this movie was just as great as the book!! Sometimes I'm weary of movies after i've read the book because lots of times the movie ruins the book for me. But this just made it that much more better and the movie followed the book very well. I was surprised. And Eric loved it just as much and said it was a great story and now he wants to read the book!

I don't get much time to sit down and watch a good movie, so it was so nice to be able to tonight. A great way to end the day!

So if you haven't yet, go get the book and read, or email me masenmalmom@hotmail.com and I will send it to ya.

and if you have read it, watch the movie!! GREAT!!

10 things I want to acomplish in my lifetime

1. Take a hot air balloon ride

2. Go skiing

3. Do some volunteer work at the homeless shelter up the rode (or any shelter)

4. Fly to another country (like Italy, or maybe London??)

5. Learn to sew

6. Take a ride on a motorcycle

7. Take a cruise

8. Drive across country and take pics of every state sign i come too

9. Meet some of my online friends

10.Raise my kids to be the best they can be

Diary of a Stay At Home Dad

Yesterday I asked Eric if he would mind being a guest blogger for my blog. I told him I wanted him to start keeping a diary of his days as a stay at home father. I told him he can write about anything that comes to mind and how he is feeling at the time. He writes for a living so I knew this would come easy for him, and he was actully excited about dong it.

I am going to keep this going for a month or so and do one entry a week (Friday's).

So here it is.. Entry 1. I was actully quite impressed.

And thanks to my wonderful hubby for doing this!


The diary of a stay at home Father…
Entry#1: August 14th 2008
(An Introduction)

My name is Eric Enck. I’m a known horror writer and more importantly, a known Father and husband. My wife came to me today wanting to know if I’d be interested in writing a journal based on my life as a stay at home father so she could share it with her associates. Considering most families (or at least a large percentage of them) both parents work. Or, usually the woman is the one to storm the diaper and dish war, while Daddy-o goes off to bring home the bacon.
Not so for me.
Over the course of the next several weeks, I will be profiling my life on a daily basis. I would like to give perspective to the modicum of information out there on stay at home dads. The world itself is no longer straight. There are lots of curves, realities and roles have changed. There is no longer (in my opinion) a right way and a wrong way of who works and who stays home. The fact of the matter is, situation based…it’s whatever works for you in your family.
So I’ll begin with today, August 14th 2008. I awoke at 7:45 in the morning not to the pitter patter of little feet, but to the whispers in my ear.
" Daddy," Mallory said. Mallory is our youngest child. She was born in the same month as my wife, and can be as adorable as anyone’s child, but she also has a bit of my own temperament. And the greatest casualty of diaper war, is that it’s hard to win against an opponent who acts a lot like yourself.
" Daddy…juice,"
I didn’t want Johnna to awake. After all, she is the one that works for a living. I make money being an author, but lets be honest, most people don’t consider that real work. Even big time best sellers are often ridiculed for it. I feel on a daily basis that sometimes I’m not good enough for my own family. It has a lot to do with the work. I thought that way this morning while pouring Mallory her juice, and watching her pull her " Night Nights" off on her own to go " pee pee." Everything is said in double when you’re younger.
When I look at my kids I envy them. I wish sometimes that I could go back in time and live those years all over again. Then again, my parents were quite abusive and taught me what not to teach my own children through their actions.
" Juice Daddy."
I turned and saw Mallory had poured her juice all over the floor. I stopped trying to figure out what I would cook for breakfast, and then got on my hands and knees and wiped the spill. I did a few dishes and made some coffee and breakfast. Johnna awoke around 9:45 and wanted to know why I left her sleep so late?
She works for a living, so I felt she deserved it.
She also wanted to know why there was an ANT floating in her coffee?
I can’t answer that.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve steadily worked as a blue-collar employee since I was 12 years old. I worked for my mother at her answering service under the table. I had several jobs throughout my life. I mow the grass, still do heavy lifting and other "manly" things. I worked in construction for four years until I was laid off. Six months later my first novel came out.
But staying at home with kids whose eyes tell you that they depend on you is a bigger task then any cop, lawyer, writer, Doctor, blu-collar employee etc…
It’s the biggest job in the world because in a lot of ways, I got three people to answer too. Like a few jobs out there, most people answer to one boss. I answer to three.
" Juice Daddy," Mallory says. This time she is nude and has her dress wrapped around the top of her head like an Arab.
So in comes my son. He’s hungry. I fix everyone breakfast just in time to vacuum the floors, which I don’t get to do because I’m doing the dishes, while my wife gets ready for work. I pick up Mallory’s toys and put them in her room. Three dishes later, I come to find our house must be haunted because all the toys are back out in the living room. And Mallory no longer has her dress around her head thank god. No…Mallory has decided to turn her feet into coloring books.
So I try to wipe them clean. And magic marker isn’t exactly like the normal dirt you find outside. I help her with her feet, and then eventually my wife goes to work. I’m left with two content children who watch television while I finish my chores and think about the next scenes that I want to write in my new novel. I even sit down to approach this task, only to have my son tell me he’s " hungry."
So I break away from the book. ( I usually write 5,000-10,000 words a day) but that generally depends on what new fascination Mallory has. Pulling the wings off moths and then crying about it? Breaking her crayons? Just a few days ago she drew all over her face with a kids magic marker and I thought the rock band Kiss had a long lost member they were looking for.
So I push more deadlines to the side, and do what is expected of me. All I hope for is my wife to still love me, and for me to still be good at baby dancing, and for any fortune I make to be split among them. The main thing is that I still want respect. I imagine a lot of mothers who stay at home don’t get the respect they deserve. Not just from husbands, but from the kids as well.
I make french fries for Mason, because like I said, he’s hungry.
I spill the french fries all over the floor.
I make more french fries.
He doesn’t eat them.
Part of that reason, is because his Pop Pop comes home with a happy meal. And we all know how kids like those things. I end up eating more then my fair share of fries, and feel just about as much like writing the next gory scene in my book, as a man on death row feels like gardening.
Around the time my Father-in-law tucks himself away, the kids become reclusive. They sit together and every so often I hear Mallory complain by growling and hollering at Mason (who was doing nothing wrong.) I break that up, only had to do it once, twice, ten times and I go about my way, finally sitting down to write in my novel. I’m about to do a scene where a lunatic is hiding from an unsuspecting woman in a morgue when I feel a tap on my side. I turn and see Mallory with one of my t-shirts turned into what I can only assume is a dress. Her legs are sticking through the armholes and her arms and head through the other places.
" Daddy…juice."
I get her juice. I congratulate her on peeing in the potty. (We’re in the midst of potty training) and I listen to one of the most engaging stories from my 8-year old. Mason knows more about Pokemon, than the entire state of New Orleans knows about ghosts. One kid won’t stop jabbering, and the other is laughing and playing loudly with her toys.
Still, I smile and agree. Concurrence is often mistaken for senility. I don’t think so, because I love my kids and my wife and would kill for them before the next beating of a heart. It was nice to get some quiet time when 8:30 came. Mason announces that he’s going to bed and gives me a hug. Mallory follows suit because she’s in that copycat stage. I tuck them in.
I come back and start all over. The living room is filled with toys and dishes need done and this first entry to the diary needs written, but I’ll find time. I don’t believe there is actual minutes. I think sometimes there are lapses between seconds. It’s how I get things done.
Since this is an introduction, next Friday I will have a whole week’s worth of entries. They will be considerably shorter. Oh and one more thing. As I was writing this, my wife calls me. Here is the conversation that took place:
" Hello?" I said.
" Do we have any corn beef left?"
" I’m not sure."
" Can you go check?"
" Sure. Give me a second. I’m writing in this diary."
" NEVERMIND!"
Click.
Someone is having a bad night at work. So I call back.
" Do you want me to make you a sandwich?" I ask.
" No…that’s alright because I don’t know if I want tomato or corn beef."
" Are you sure?"
" Yeah I’m sure. I’ll just make it when I get home."
" Okay," I said.
" Make me a sandwich," she said.
See you next week my friends.
Eric Enck
Signing off-

Friday Five

Five things about me...

1. Yesterday was Eric and I's anniversery and I forgot about it until last night, but we had celebrated the weekend before by going out for drinks and food

2. I've had 4 surgery's

3. Eric and I had Mason before we were marred

4. I had Mason when I was 20

5. One of my fav shows in the fall/winter is One Tree Hill

The Pact

Ok , so I think I was expecting this book to be awsome because of all the hype i've heard about the author Jodi Picoult and this paticular book "The Pact". And it was. I loved every minute of this book and couldn't put it down.

The very first paragaraph of the book had me hooked..

"There was nothing let to say. He covered her body with his, and as she put her arms around him she could picture him in all his incarnations: age five, and still blond; age eleven, sprouting; age thrireen, with the hands of a man. The moon rolled, slow-eyed in the night sky; and she breathed in the scent of his skin. "I love you" she said.

He kissed her so gently she wondered if she had imagined it. She pulled back slightly, to look in his eyes.

And then there was a shot".

If that doesn't keep you wanting to read more, I don't know what would. To me, this book was about so many things. It was about love, friendship, the bonds you have with your children. It was all in all, one of the best books I've read.

so I couldn't keep it to my self and am sending it to a friend on one of the message boards I post at often.

Pick up this book and read it. Yes in parts, it is very depressing and at times I had to put it down because of it and take a break because it was making me to sad and mad at the same time. But once I finished , i was so glad I read it.

"There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is conffession - Daniel Webster

Thursday Three

Three pics i love...


This is Eric and our friend Adam. This was taken at Eric's b day party. Adam was giving him is gift and acted like he was proposing. lol

This is my silly girl with her undies on her head lol

This is my nephew Curran when they were here visiting and my neice Danielle behind him

Pineapple Express!

This movie, I think, was made more for the pot heads that sit inside all day and do nothing but smoke pot. I'm not really putting them down, because sure in my day, I've hit a joint or two but really, this movie just was .....a little much. The whole movie was about pot, not just in the movie , but consumed the whole movie and yeah sure I laughed at times but really I wouldnt see it again.

Now don 't get me wrong. I love comedy's. And the one main star of the movie "Seth Rogan" is in one of my all time fav movies "Knocked up" and I've loved him in other comedy's too but this one didn't do it for me and I def would let any child under 18 watch it because it will make them want to run out and smoke some....serisouly, it almost made me want to.

Our movie theater charges nine whole bucks for a movie. I really wish I had spent it on another movie that would have been worth seeing. Sure, it was nice to get out without kids and we had an awsome dinner with drinks before hand so i won't complain.

Eric loved it and thought it was great, so, that has to say something..right?

Well if you love pot and comedy's ...go and see it.

27 Dresses

I love me a good chick flick once in a while. I can watch just about anything. I love horror, and comedy, just not sci fi, I can't get down with that. Well it is hard to find a good chick flick lately. A lot of the new ones are , how can I put it, lame.

So the other night I was looking through on demand seeing if there was a good movie to watch. The kids were in bed and i hardly find time to watch tv, so i wanted to make sure it was a good one. I went through the whole list and watched the free preveiws. Then I cam across 27 dresses. I had seen it in the stores and always wondered about it. So I got it. Watched it. Loved it. It was a very good chick and even Eric liked it. Don't ask my dads opninon, he fell asleep half way through.

So it's not for everyone, but if you are like me and like a good romantic, with some comedy in it. Got and rent it now!!

In my movie world Eric and I rate ...buyable, good,ok, sucked, horrible.

That was def buyable!

Friday Five

Five things you may or may not know about me.....

1. I live in Milton Delaware

2. I work at a gas station called Bodies

3. My middle name is Renee

4. I was born in Milford De, but raised in Lewes, De

5. I have to drink at least 2 cups of coffee a day to get me going in the morning.

TGIF!! Have a great weekend everyone!

Back to reality

I haven't been avoiding my blog..really...i've just been doing this thing called life. Everytime I think of something clever to write about I am away from my computer and then by the time I get time to do it, i forget what it was I was going to say. It seems like if I'm not working, I'm taking care of kids, and if I'm not doing that i'm taking care of a house and if I'm not doing that I'm sleeping and ....

Today my mom took my neice, myself and my two monkeys to the mall for some school shopping. She does it every year. Mason got a hot new pair of sketchers that light up and the lights on top look like the lights on top of a police car. He was very impressed and wouldn't look at another pair after he saw those. He also got a batman bookbag to start off the year with. I tried to talk him into one that would last longer and could use more then one year, but you can't tell that to an 8 year old. So batman bookbag it is. Mallory got some clothes as well and we got a great deal on the cutest little dress. I really need to snap a pic of it. it's black with polka dots. Well being the two year old she is, and such a girly girl, she decides she wants it on NOW. She strips down and puts on the dress. Since I didn't want to have a blow out in the middle of Khols, I decided to let her wear it and would take the tag off when we got up front. My mom in the mean time is having a cow because she just knows we are going to go to jail. Ummm , mom , " It's not like were going to walk out and not pay for it". She wore the dress all day and it wasn't until i annouced bath time (which she loves) that she took it off. I also picked up some other cute dresses that were on clearnce as well and a fall outfit from target.

And man did we shop till we dropped...literally. Mallory has been out since 620pm and I tried making her wait until 7 but it just wasn't going to happen and she is nice and cozy in her bed. I think I will be following her soon.

What did I buy? I finally picked me up a copy of a Jodi Picoult book. Target had sooo many differnt ones and I didn't know which one to buy. My neice who was with me told me her favorite so far was "The Pact", so that is the one I went with. I can't wait to start reading it. I think my next Picoult purchase will be "My sisters Keeper".

Well my back has taken all it can in this chair and I think going to bed at 7, although may seem insane, is looking like a great idea

It's a mystery

Do you know how you can open your closet everyday for a week and see your black shirt with the white hearts (or whatever shirt) and then the one day you go to wear it, it mysterisouly dissapears. I didn't want to wear the grey shirt, i wanted to wear the black shirt with the white hearts. I tore my closet up looking for it, and it was never found.

Of course, I'm sure I'll find it tomorrow when I don't want it anymore. Isn't that how it always goes. UGH

Wordless...Thrusday???

Day 3

This is day 3 of potty training. It's going better then I had thought it would. I actully hadn't expected to start when I did. I got up and changed her as I always do and she was moslty dry, so I knew she'd have to go so i had her sit on the potty and she went. Well I put a diaper on her and didn't think nothing of it because that has happened before. Off to the library we went. While we were there she told me she had to pee pee. I surely didn't think we were giong to make it to the potty, but we did, she was dry and she went. Well then after that , she went twice in her diaper so I thought , well it was a nice try but then while I was at work Eric said she went 4 times for him. So the next morning (yesterday) I took her diaper off and that was it. I said no more diapers during the day, and stuck to it. We went to walmart with no acidents. We went to the potty when we got there and before we left. Today is the same, no diapers. I don't intend to go back to diapers during the day. She's in big girl panties and loves to wear them, even though she wants to wear a differnt pair every hour lol

Wifey (book 4)

This was another Judy Blume book. Not at all what I was expecting and nothing compared to Summer Sisters. I just couldn't get into it. I had a hard time getting through it. I was glad to finish it. I was surprised that I didn't enjoy it because i have never found a book by Blume that I didn't enjoy.

Here is a description of the book

"The bestseller about a very nice housewife with a very dirty mind! WIFEY is tired of chicken on Wednesdays and sex on Saturdays. This morning, a mysterious motorcycle flasher revealed himself to WIFEY and brought her frustrations into rigid focus! WIFEY sees her wildest fantasies taking flight, and WIFEY has an itch - and uncontrollable - urge to catch up with them!"

My next book - I'm keeping a secret. It's suspense and so far very good.

Summer Sisters

This is a judy blume book. She's very well known for her children books but she has some adult ones as well. I loved this book. The story of friendship and family is wonderful. It shows that there is good and bad in life. I loved how no matter what Caitlyn did in her life or did to Victoria, she still loved her and was there for her. Parts of the book reminded me of me and my childhood friends. The ending was sad, but not all endings in life are happy ones and that's what I loved about this book. I reccomend this. Go to your library and check it out.

Next..is another Judy Blume book called Wifey. It's an old book from the late 70's. So far it's pretty good.

Next library trip is Tuesday morning!

Monday Ramblings

Today was overall, a pretty good day. Mason stayed in most of the day. I let him go out twice but both time gave him only an hour and then I let him swim at the neighbors till 8. He didn't even put much fight up about it which is a good thing. We went and ran some errands and had lunch at a chinese buffet, which both kids love. Of course though, after two bites Mallory started in with " I wanna go" lol but that's what ya get with a two year old. After lunch we stopped by the library and got our books. Eric got three and I got two and together the kids got 5 and 1 Elmo dvd for Mally. After that we came home and I took a 3 hour nap with Mallory. LOL I just can't help it. Now that I work full time , every day I'm off , I have to nap to get through the day. How terrible is that?? But it's good because if I didn't I'd be ready to go to bed at 8 and this way I can enjoy the evening while the kids are in bed.

Have I mentioned how much i love my new place??? We've been here a month and I just love it here more and more. If you had seen my old place you would probably understand.

I also am loving the new store i work in (better then the other one). Not only is it so close but I have seen people I went to school with and people are just more friendly here and will actully hold conversations and since I love to talk, it's a good thing. lol

The dark knight (new batman movie) opens this week and we are going to see it. not sure which night yet, but Eric is super excited. It's all he talks about. He knows so much about the movie i tell him he doesn't even need to go see it lol.

Summer Light(book 2)

My second book was a Luanne Rice book as well. I love her writing. She really brings me into the story and I feel the emotions of all characters in the book. It wasn't my favorite Luanne Rice book but overall it was good. At times I got bored but then would force myself to get back into , and then I'd get hooked into it again. The story revolves around Martin who is a famous hockey player, May who is a wedding planner and her daughter Kylie who sees angels. May and Kylie meet Martian on a plane and they are brought together by Martin's dead daughter Natalie who also plays a big part in the book. What I did like about it is , in a lot of books when two fall in love, it's all magical but in this book they struggle with their love and they do fight like real couples, but in the end their love is so strong they are brought back together. The end brought tears to my eyes, so if a book can do that it can't be all that bad, right?

I just got two more books from the library today. Both are Judy Blume books. One is Summer Sisters that I think I have read before but it's been so long I don't remember anything about it so I want to read it again and I got a book by her called Wifey that sounds interesting.

I think I will pass my summer reading goal. I have my kids reading too. Mason and Mallory have to read (or be read to) every night. Mason loves getting books about bugs and animals and he will sit on his bed reading them (or looking at pics lol). I make Mason read at least once a day but lately I don't even have to ask him to do it, he just does! Of course having parents who read non stop helps lol They see us reading and they run and grab their books too.

So if your are looking for a good book, pick up Safe Harbor and Summer light, both by Luanne Rice.

Fustrated

My son is driving me absolutly crazy. Serisouly it makes me want to scream. he's not a bad kid. Really, he's great, in fact I never see him. All he wants to do is be at his friends. I try to limit it, I've told him to stay home and he fights me on it. I just don't think it's right that an 8 year old be running the neighborhood all day and his father thinks it's fine and I don't. If he's home all he does is wine and cry about being board. As soon as he was done breakfast today he wanted to leave right away. I said no, and he started to wine and then I told him to go and just move out since he's never home. Of course, i felt bad about it after I said it but he just drives me crazy. I don't know what else to do. The neighbors are going to think or probably already do that I let my kid run wild. Eric just says "he's a kids , let hime go". But he's not 14, he's only 8.

What's that??

Oh if I hear that question one more time I am going to scream. Do you know how many times a day I have to answer that question?? "Mommy, what's that?" My answer "that's mommy's book" Mallory's answer "ooooh" "Mommy whats that" " I just told you that is my book" "oooh", Mommy, what's that? I swear it's never ending! LOL She asks me that 100 times a day or more. And it can go on for like 10 min if I let it she will just go from one thing to the next asking what it is even if she knows what it is already. Gotta love a two year old!!

Safe Harbor (Book 1)

My first book of my 5 book goal was a Luanne Rice book called Safe Harbor. I really enjoyed it and couldn't wait to continue reading when I would put it down. It had everything I like in a book....love, suspense, drama. It's a bout a woman who's sister dies and the sister has left in her will that she wants her to raise them as her own. Yeah, I know its been done before in movies and other books but still, it was very well written. I wouldn't say it was the best book i've ever read, but still, it was good.

My second book that I just started is also a Luanne Rice book. So far, it's pretty good. Not sure if it's as good as Safe Harbor but it's to early to tell. My third book will be by a differnt author. Not sure who. Maybe I will try for a differnt genre.

Guess where I went today????`

Well after making my reading goal for the summer I decided that the best place to get books would be the library. Duh! But of course they didn't have the one I wanted which was "My sister's keeper" but they said they can get it from another library so I might do that next time. Well the frist book I started with and almost finished is a luanne rice book so since I love it I decided to get another one. I won't tell the title until I do my book reveiw. The first one will probably be tonight or tomorrow since I'm almost done. Mason and Mallory got some books as well and Eric did too. We went as a family and that was great too!

Birthday Bash!

Today we celebrated Mason's 8th Birthday! Technically he doesn't turn 8 till Tuedsay (the 8th) at 1218 am but we had the party today. It was lots of fun. At first we were going to have it at the bowling alley but none of his friends could come there so we had it here. The rain almost spoiled the fun but it lifted just enough for us to have some outside fun too. Here are some pics from the day.


Here is the birthday boy helping me decorate the cupcakes!

Guess who had to lick the spoon?!?

Yes, he's only 8 and we got him a cell phone. He loves it! With him always at his friends we want to be able to get a hold of him. And hey, this isn't the 80's anymore right?

How many men does it take to hang a pinata???

Slip and slide fun!!

Moving again.....

No, I dont mean I'm moving out of this house into another, I mean I'm moving to another store again. But actully this is for the best. See, when I got transfered to the other store I didn't know I'd be moving 25 min away. And with gas prices the way they are it really hurts my wallet. Well we have a store in the town I live in too , that is only 2 minutes (if that) from where I live. I had asked to be transfered but another girl wanted it too and she asked first. Well the manager of the store was my manager at the store i started and he transfered. Anyways he told the generel manager he would rather have me there. So starting on the 12th I will transfer to the store right up the street. That means no more cooking! (this store does not have a girll) and I will be working by myself again and I kind of like that and at the store I'm at now I work more doubles and there is waaay to much drama.

So yea, this is a good thing!

My summer goal

I have decided to make a summer goal for me. My goal is to read 6 books by Sep 1. Shouldn't be to bad huh?? It's a way to make my self find time for ME!! I am off to the book store this week to buy my first book. I'm not sure what to get. Any reccomendations?? Anyways after each book I will post a reveiw about it. If i finish my goal for the summer I will make even a bigger goal for fall. But that is far off .lol

This week!

This has been such a long week. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so tired that I've been going to bed super early every night. I just have no energy left by the time the kids go to bed. I have no idea how moms before me did it.My dads mom ran her own salon, did all the housework, cooked all meals and my dad said the house was always clean. How the heck did she do it? I try my best but I swear I don't know how much longer I can do it. Eric does help some. He does almost all the dishes. This is on chore I decided I wouldn't do anymore. I do everything else so it won't kill him to do the dishes and he does it without complaint, mainly because he knows he has no choice.

My poor Mally has a black eye. My dad took the kids to the mcdonalds play area and she fell on her face. I would take a pic but my camera battery died so I have to wait to take more pics till I get one.

Here is my pic of the week. This as Mondy when Mally was taking a bath. She saw the camera and starting yelling "cheese" lol

Rambleings

I'm feeling down this week. Not really sure why. Just one of those weeks i guess. Things at work have been kind of stressfull lately so I know that is part of the reason, but not totally. I am still loving my new place but I think I'm becoming a little obseesed and drive my hubby completley insane. I clean as soon as I get home from work or as soon as I get up. I just don't want it to get dirty so I feel like I have to stay on top of it. Eric has decided to go to Culinary school (did I spell that right) and they will help him find a job when schooling is done. It's kind of cool and he's super excited (to excited because that's all he's talking about tonight). We just have to find a sitter. That's going to be our biggest problem, but I'm sure things will work out. I'm throwing in a pic from yesterday. I love it and it cracks me up. It looks like she's upset in the pic but acutlly she was lauging and saying cheese. I love how she is covering up half of Mason's face. LOL

Hate feeling this way

I hate the way I have been feeling lately toward my kids. Dont get me wrong I love my kids more then anything in this world and would knock anyone over who tried to hurt them in any way but lately I always feel fustrated when I'm around them. I love my life, I really do. There isnt any thing I'd want to change right now. But when I am alone with the kids, I'm am never happy. Meaning, I'm always fustrated and feel like all I do is tell them no, you can't do this, or stop fighting, put that down, get way from that, etc.... I want to be able to enjoy every moment with them but how can I do them when I feel like all I do is correct them. I look forward to bed times and times when i am away from them. Mallory cries over everything and Mason backtalks me about everything so every moment with them is me getting mad at them for being that way. I feel like I can't do any thing without them driving me crazy. Eric seems to handle it better then i do and he stays so calm. how does he do that?

I just needed to vent. I know this is probably a normal feeling for lots of parents but I'm just so tired and fustrated

picture of the week!

I took this pic last night. The kids were watching Eric play some game on the computer.

"Terribe" Two's

Oh, my little drama queen. I tease often that if Eric and I had her first we wouldn't have had anymore kids. Of course I'm not totally serious but she really does exhaust me more the my job. Tonight we were eating at a nice little italian place up the road and a fly landed on her plate. Oh , well she was just not having it and she threw a fit saying "no fies" not meaning , no fly's but meaning she didnt want it to eat her fries. LOL She was crying and I couldnt help but giggle. So then she got some ketcup on her shirt and we just can't have that either so then she was trying to take her shirt off. Mason was never like this. Though if you went back to when he was two i 'm sure I could tell you some "two" stories. But at times, I don't want this age to end. I love the way she will come up to me out of the blue and say "mommy ok?". It just melts my heart. And I know if a few years i will miss these terrible twos and will want them back. So for now, i will try and enjoy the drama and the tantrums that come daily, eh, hourly. lol

Were in!!

Well we are all moved in...for the most part, There are still a few things we need to get but nothing that is very important. We love it here . Its sooo much better then where we lived before. It's actully startng to feel like home. Mason has already made friends and is never home. We live on a very quiet street so it's a great place for him to play. I love, love, love having a washer and dryer. It's the best!! After not having one for almost 6 years it's so great to not have to go to the laundry mat. I havent gotton many pics of the "after" but I got a few of the before. Weve been really busy and today is the first day we've really "relaxed. Mallory is not adjusting to well. Each day it gets better but she gets time where she will wine and cry saying " I wanna go bye bye" Meaning she wants to go "home". On the first night it took forever to get her to sleep and she woke up at 4 am screaming. She won't go play alone and has to be stuck up are butts. I know it will get better with time. Mason always adjusted so eaisly to things so i guess I expected her to as well. The first pic is of my washer and dryer. It was taken the day we moved in and we put the lap top up on the washer so I could listen to music while putting things away.This is part of the living room and dining room.This is the kitchen from the dining room veiw.

This is Mason , Mallory and my neice lauren (who came for the weekend to help) in the living room while we waited for Eric to bring boxes

This was Sunday after we got the couch in. We've move things around a little since then.

This is the finished dining room. I love this room!

And here is miss Mally hanging out in the yard. I promis to take more pics of how the rooms look now. But we've been so busy and are just so tired.

This is it!

Tonight we sign the papers and tomorrow starts the moving!! I'm so excited but nervous at the same time. I have off all weekend so all my attention can be focused on moving and all. My neice is coming down tonight to help. Thank goodness she is, because i dont think we could get it all down without her.

After tonight I wont be on for a few days or even a few weeks. It depends on how long it takes us to get internet up at the new place. Hopefully it won't be to long because I don't think I can go that long without internet lol.

I will have some pics next time I get back too!!!

Wish us luck!

I did it....

Well after contemplating forever. I broke down and got Mally's hair cut. My mom is a hairdresser so she said she would do it.
I loved her long hair but she would fight me to brush it or put it up and as soon as it was up she would pull it up and then it would get all in her face which I hate and get all sticky and I felt like I was always washing it.

I am very happy with it. I think she looks so cute and I'll let it grow and maybe by the time it gets long enought to "play" with again she will be out of that stage. I can still put bows in it if I want or cute headbands.

It looks healthier now and since she doesn't want it up it looks healthier now and not all in her face.

One step foward

Were moving!! I'm ecstacic and anxious all at the same time. it seems to good to be true. i'm not even going to know how to act. I've hated this place for so long. It has no tub (stand up shower only) all kitchen cabnits are down and it has always been a pain, no room for a kitchen table, no closets, no real yard for my kids to play, no washer and dryer and this new place has all this. I feel like i'm going to wake up any moment and it all be a dream. I am so afraid that something is going to happen and we wont move. But the woman assured us more then once that it was ours. It's a farther drive to work but I don't even care. I just sooo want to be out of here and in our new place. i have so many plans for it. I haven't even started packing yet and we are moving in one week!!! This is all so overwhelming but so exciting!

Work is going good, but busy. I like that though because then I don't have much time to think and thinking is the last thing I need to do right now.

I have no new pics today but I promise to get some this week and to get some of our new place!!!!

picture of the week!

I probably won't be around much for the rest of the week so I though I would share a pic that I took Sunday at the beach! I love that pic!!

two steps back....

I haven't gotton to post a blog in a few days. I've been super busy. I haven't had a day off in over a week now and its starting to get to me but I'm trying to stay chipper. We got some news Friday. We have to be out of here by July 15. I serisouly have no idea what we are going to do. I have no idea how we will find a place to live in that short of time. I'm am trying not to dwell on it because I will just burst in tears and I don't want to do that. I have to stay strong. I feel like, that what is meant to be will be. If it comes down to it then we might have to move to Ga and stay with my oldest sis for a while. Not really what I want to do but it beats being on the street with two kids. I need to start packing this week but I just have no energy. I dont even know where to begin.

We just got back from dinner with friends a very yummy mexican resturant. Best mexican I've ever had. And the margirtia's were the best too!!

I am going to bed now. Need to get up early.......again :)

Job update..

Well it happened. I am moving to another store. It really isn't that much further and I do like the people i will be working with but the thing that makes me mad is I had to find out from a customer. I was off yesterday, and I stopped by the store last night before going out and a guy came up to me and asked me why I hadnt told him I was leaving and I was like "Ummm, i'm not" and he said that the manager told him that Friday was my last day in that store. "What?" No one even called me to tell me. That would have been nice instead of being that last to know. I just talked to the generel manger the day before and she said for now I would be staying in millsboro so I was like, yay, thats great and then the very next day I hear from others that I am leaving . Even my co workers knew. Gee, thanks. I'm really going to miss my customers but I will deal. I know that I will meet new customers. I just hope they don't try to put me on the grill. *sigh*

one of those moments

You know those moments when the kids have you all stressed out and have been fighting all day, and all you want is to curl up with a glass a wine ..andthen you see moments like this that just make you smile and the day well worth it,.

I'm THAT mommy!

Do you remember before you had kids and you would be in the store and see these kids running around and being loud and you'd roll your eyes and think that the parent needs to control their kids.....funny how rolls reverse isn't it?

Now dont get me wrong I dont let my kids run around like crazy or destroy things but like all kids they have their days. Today was one of those day. Our first stop was the dollar store. All I wanted to get was a few toothbrushes and some deodernt. Some how it took 20 min to get those few items and of course I had to get some other things. And then of course Mallory had to have a melt down where she threw her self on the floor. I could see the older lady at the register staring and whispering something to the girl she was waiting on. She always gives me looks when I go in there with my kids. So I pick Mallory up and try to calm her down. Well this kid doesn't calm down so easy. Well we finally get out of there and then I go to wawa to get my dinner. Well that was worse because both kids wanted candy and Mason was being loud and Mallory was crying, well screaming and my nerves were shot. People were making comments like "someone needs a spanking" and I said "no they are just hungry and tired". The lady at the deli counter smiled and said "Good luck mommy". Gee thanks. Ok so then off to mcdonalds for their dinner. I didnt go in but at the drive up Mallory is screaming "I want juice, I want to eat" and Mason is singing which is making Mallory even more mad and shes kicking at him and trying to grab him. I could barely place my order. I was never more happy to see the house when I pulled up. Things haven't really calmed down but at least I can sit here and try to block it out. I am counting down the minutes to 8.

Memorial weekend

Soooo, the weekend didnt go as planned. Today was nice and we really enjoyed fishing on the beach. I was so mad at myself for forgetting my camera though. That's what I get for being in a rush.

Well rewind to yesterday. We decided to cook out on the grill. We were all outside having a good time and the BIL decided to ruin our day. We've been having some drama going on because BIL blames Mason for his daughters behavior problems and the problems she has in school. Now just so ya know, Mason is never or hardly ever in trouble on the bus or in school. My neice is in trouble every day. She takes meds. But somehow its Mason's fault. Ok well yestereday he said Mason was yelling in his window. He didn't. We were all outside and he didnt go near the window. I am the type who hates to fight and never speaks up...until my kids are involved. It's putting it lightly when I said that I lost it. I don't even remember all I said because I snapped. He has degraded my son. Cussed my son out and called him names that no adult should say to a child. Eric lost it too. So then here comes my lovely MIL and what does she do? Takes BIL's side saying that it's my sons fault that Summer is in trouble on the bus and she knows we think hes all that but he's not. WTF??? Are you serious. Again I lost it and I think I called her every name in the book and some. We live on her land. Not for long. We are looking for a place ASAP and I want to be out of here yesterday. I can't stay around these people anymore. They will have nothing to do with my kids. I don't want them to talk to them, look at them, brethe near them. When we move they will never see them again. Eric agrees. No one will talk to my child like that and blame them for stuff they didnt do. I am done. It takes a lot to get me to the breaking point but when I get there I am done.

So that was my lovely memorial weekend. I am still very upset and angry and probably will be for a very long time. Every time I think about it I just break down in tears. I've never been this angry in my life.

Fun at the boardwalk!!

We had a blast at the boardwalk. We were there for over 3 hours. The kids had so much fun. We played golf, rode on rides and then ate ice cream. Mason got a hermit crab named Hermey ( how original huh?) Mallory loved the rides but didn't know what to think at first. Tomrrow we are going fishing on the beach, and of course I'll be taking more pics! Mallory will get to try out her new bathing suit! and Mason got a new one too! The water is still to cold to really swim but they mostly just like running from the waves!

here are some pics from the boardwalk. Some are a little blurry.